6 month......

What is mean by 6 month? 6 month of study in this semester?...nop. it is already 6 month of break off between me and him. But, for him it is his 6 month of anniversary with yw. And today both of them went to genting. This is plan was suggest by me. But, tomorow is my exam. I so wish that he stay here to teman me and support me. But, i just ask him to go and celebrate with her. Is this call Love? I really dont Know. I just know that Now i am thinking him and i need him to relieve my nervousness and anxiety. But, he was not here. And i was alOne in my lonely room and facing the empty bed of him. THinking of how happy he is Now. I just can hug his pillow and think that he is beside me. This is what i can do. Hope they will really happy to the end. I just wish that can help you more and stay beside you until end of my life. Still miss you dear...muak;)

One day to go....

After a Long and hell study week, finally left only one day before my exam. Luckily that i have two more day to prepare. But, unluckily i have to stress for two more days. But, i believe the time will pass by very fast. The god will help me in exam. Just i need to believe myself and not to be nervous and stay calm in exam. I kNow this is my weakness since young. That y i really cant calm while doing exam although i kNow that i kNow the answer. So, just practise my skill and for Q n A just ldo the best i can. I know i can do it. But, i still scare on long case. This is the main problem i face. I will panic if today i am he. I am pity he get a uncooperative pt. And he seem like dont do well on it. But, if i was him. I think i also cant do well too. So, i hope i wont get such a case la. Just one more day only, so what u have to do is ...practise...practise....practise.....god bless me la....

Very Scare......

next monday will be my exam......i am very scare. I donno why. Maybe i am not prepared. Just went to H to do some practise. Dont know why i forget how to take history. Donno what to ask. I am blur and panic. I really blank when i am taking history. I forget all the things i read. I dont know how to make a diagnosis. even one diagnosis i cant even think of. So, how i am going to go for exam? I dont want to fail. I very scare....scare....scare.....I want to practise, but i shy to find ppl to practise. I want to learn and ask someone to teach, but i dont know who to ask. Or i shy to ask Or i am frustrated to other ppl. 5 more days to go, what should i do in this 5 days? focus on the basic or find someone to talk to....or just go play play play......If let me choose, i definitely choose to play, then dont want bother the exam. But, my mind keep thinking of the exam. Is this sign of stress? .....going to mad soon...... Haiz....always tell me this is just a exam. Not big deal. But, when i go face patient, i dont know what i am practising. So, what i read previously is definitely zero. Really die la this time.....Hope God will bless me in exam la.

is time to let go......

is a brand new week. And back to my stupid and college life .......

and of course have to meet him again.......but this time there is another friend come back liao......which maybe he is gay also....haahaa...just guess in heart....maybe he is not.

SO, i wont be so boring this week compare to last weeks.

Today, he was terrible sick. His heavy flu come attack him again. He totally collapse in the bed. I still remember last exam, he also collapse in the bed one week before the big exam. Haiz....he was always weak. But, this time is not me to take care him. Although today i help him to tabao for dinner, but there is another person i need to help also. That was his gf. And, her gf really care of him. Ask me to look after him and help to cc him. So, i realise that both of them really care each other and is really time for me to let go.....and i really make decision to let go....wish both of them happy always and i will be there best ever friend in their life. Take care my 'best' friend and wish both of you happy always....;)

Pending lOve....

welcome back......

i still felt that here is a better place for me to express my feeling.

this two days, i went home. i was not on mood of studying although exam is nearby. Therefore, i was searching for any blog to read. And i found one which title 'heart kl'. the things he post is great. i read all his blog and surprisingly that what he interesting in was what i thinking always. i wish to contact him and tell him that i also interest on all the topic he post. and wish to chat and know him also. Donno how he look like....hihi.... Therefore, i ask myself....Am i gay? (This question was confusing me for some quite a time). I think i am. But, i still dont brave enough to admit. there many things that i need to consider. (should i consider???) i really confuse...confuse...confuse....Sometime, i try to become straight again by watching porn movie. But, i realise that i focus more on the guy than the dude. Then, at last i turn to watch gay porn movie again. so.......what should i do?......continue like this or really go meet some gay friends? can my family accept it? can my friends accept it? is this can suit with what i studying (profession course) now?

this make me cant concentrate my study....make me always blur and think blank during reading and even sleep......GOD pls help me!!!! Should i tell someone that i trust? Should i go find CK (my friend who is gay) for help? SHould i tell my family first before i go find him?

Now...i really confuse like mad....

Headache....headache....headache......

any one can give me some comment? i really sick of it......

And i really pending of love esp from guys......;(

There would not be any lonely guy again....

after two days of depression, after 2 and the half years of lost, i finally find back who am i. I find back my spirit and aim of study in uni. I find back the accual sexual i am. I find back the happiness of living in this world. Thanks pl, bc after reading your blog, you make me wakeup. You make me realise that accually, there many things for me to appreciate. Friendship, family, life in hospital, lifestyle in new environment...many many stuff. Living lonely doesnt means that it is the end of world. Is depend on how i want to make my life become colourful. Let me appreciate that people around me is not always my enemy. Awake me that guy n gal, can be very close doesnt mean that they must be relaitonship. Doesnt mean that after my best friend have girl friend, he will ignore me. He still care of me because we are best friend ever. So, from now on, forger the past forget all those stupid things that you have done and have said. Just be yourself and open heart to public. Dont always put in heart. IF not, one day i will be mad. Talk to others, appreciate people around you. And live for myself and also for others. Then, i will be happy always.

I think this is my last blog in this account.

I will use back my real name and write my life story in a wonderful and colourful ways.

Thanks blogger....love you very much....muack...

Already Gone....

This is a song sing by kelly clarkson....already gone.Its very touch and meaningful. I listen unlimited time. ...Love the lyric and song also....

Remember all the things we wanted
Now all our memories, they're haunted
We were always meant to say goodbye
Even with our fists held high, yeah
It never would've worked out right, yeah
We were never meant for do or die

I didn't want us to burn out
I didn't come here to hurt you
Now I can't stop

I want you to know that it doesn't matter where we take this road
Someone's gotta go
and I want you to know you couldn't have loved me better
But I want you to move on
So I'm already gone

Looking at you makes it harder
But I know that you'll find another that doesn't always make you want to cry
Started with a perfect kiss then we could feel the poison set in
Perfect couldn't keep this love alive
You know that I love you so I love you enough to let you go

get well soon...Dear

A brand new day again....
Yesterday dint sleep well. Because he was back to the room that i wish too. But. donno why i was so nervous. My heart was palpating. I cant study. I choose to study at bed by not facing him. Surprisingly that i was awake for the whole night. Usually i will sleep after i read for 10 min. I cant concentrate at all. So, i just pretend to sleep.
He was not well that night. His usual sickness find him that night. I hope that i could beside him and take care of him. My heart was so pain while seeing him so suffer. But, i do nothing. That night, i really cant sleep well............

By the way, wanna tell you....get well soon.

What in my heart today?

today i was sad again. He make me sad again. He forget me. He forget the lonely guy that he left in his room, in his house. I cry...cry...cry....but he dont know that i love him. He dont know that i was so sad. Since i have came back for 4 days, he never come back to the room. He rather stay in others people room,even night sleep at there. I was back to here to study because i need you for me to concentrate. But, you was not there. We dint even talk for 10 min for each day. (cry in heart) Why? why? why?

I ask myself to forget you. I ask myself dont think you so much. But, i cant. since that day we are together, i already fall in love with you. But, you donno that i love you. i care you very much.....

And now, you have a new one. And i just a lonely guy that u left in the room. I kNow, this will happen since the first day you tell me that you have a girlfriend. And see...it happens.

And that time, i tell myself. I'm death in your heart. And i cant be the person beside you. (cry in heart)

The new beginning.... is my end of my past.

This is my first blog and the begin of my new life.

I have a sad love life for my pass year. I want to start a new life and end of my past life. So what happen to my previous life. HOh.... is a Long story. Where should i start from ? since i born to this world ? haahaa...wont la......

By the way, this is the first blog i write. Must be write some good things la...so that ething will good forever. I am a lonely guy. Hope can know more true friend and express out some true feeling through this blog.

I am not expect my friend Know this .....so u Know what i mean la ; )

What i written here, will be my words from heart and i really cant express out from my life. So, this is who am i.

I hope i can be good for my rest of my life and find my true love. ;)

Busy now...will continue when i free....too be continue...;)